Page 2 done. As usual there are things I like about it and thinks I am not so happy. But learning more every day! Let me know what you guys think!. The Sparrow finds out how she came to be unconscious on the forest floor.

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  • Hey Jonathan. Thank you for the kind words!

  • Wow Nathan, Fantastic colors and line work. This is awesome, keep up the awesome work.

  • Thanks Gerard. Well, if this is the only page you have read, you have already read 50% of my work at this time. :) With your very kind words and build up I hope not to disappoint! 

  • Hello Nathan,

    I did read the positioning of the girl's head and hand in panel 2 the way you had intended, it implies she has suddenly turned to face the boy, without dropping her hand away due to her surprise. I haven't read any more than this page, but frankly it's very exciting! We all know the parable that mentions the falling sparrow, and with this single page and an evocative title, you've managed to create a sense of wonder in me. Who is this girl? Why did she fall from the sky? I feel certain we're in for a story unlike any I've ever seen told, and I'm very eager to come along for the ride! 

  • There you have it - Lucas, you can see! That is a key thing, you are able to see your own glitches. You will improve dramatically and quickly. Keep it up.

  • Thank you, thank you, thank you. This feedback is great and all makes perfect sense. I will fix the little things I can, especially adding "..." to the text in last panel, Touching up her eye lashes, and adjust the shadows slightly.

    I will definitely work on a bunch of sketches to make my drawing stronger. I have the first 8 pages penciled out already and while there is some improvement in those Pages, hopefully around page 10 there should really be some more drastic improvements. I'm going to try and have one page uploaded here each week to see if I can keep the pace of a weekly web comic.

    Regarding her hand in panel 2 was to show she had just sort of lifted her face out of her hand but her hand is still in the same place as if it was just holding her head. but these are great little things to be on the lookout for.

    Again thank you for all the great critiques as well as positive feedback. I thank God that he brought me to this site where I can receive encouragement as well as advice to grow.

    (one last thing, regarding Martin's critique on page one in regards to the positioning of character's ears I notice now that the Sparrows ear is a little low in the last panel).

  • Ditto Martin's great critique. And I'm taking out my virtual highlighter... and... circling the second to the last paragraph for extra emphasis. Great comic art(of this genre) should make the flow of action evident without dialogue; I could block out the dialogue on this page and still easily tell what was happening.  Great comic art should attract my attention, should add to and not distract from the story, should have characters that I quickly come to care about.  So along with Martin I say this is good stuff and I'm looking forward to page 3.

  • Nathan, your stuff is so charming, I can forgive the glitches. You have a certain confidence in your art, and it will only get better. I love the pacing, and the story telling. Again, keep moving forward.

    Things to work on:

    Panel 1 - the girls hand feels like it's floating in front of her face instead of actually holding her face - this is probably because of the way the shadow is colored.

    Panel 2 - This time the girl's hand is floating - though it looks like it is supposed to be holding something...or is she just brushing her hair back, or pulling sticks and leaves out? Needs to be more obvious what that hand is doing.

    Boys face is better than first page, but still needs work.

    Panel 3: Boy's forearm is much too long. And I realize foreshortening is tough (I fight with it all the time too) The boy's body twists from panel 2 to panel 3, and not sure why. I think you were trying to figure out how the perspective was supposed to work and that was your solution.  Boy's face is getting a little stronger.

    Girl - her eyelashes are really nice and thick in panels 1 and 2, but in panel 3 they seem a little thin.

    In panel two you end the boy's dialog with "..." - start his dialog in panel 3 with "..."

    Coloring - is good overall - but you're getting floating eyebrows and other items seem to float too -like the hand in the first panel.

    The trees in panel 3 - in general the dark's can be darker - this will pop the characters off the background and separate her from the tree. Right now the color tones blend too much. Even though the boy is wearing a green  shirt, it's too close in tone to the tree behind him so he blends right in with it.

    That said: This page is done. DO NOT go back and fix unless you want to tweak the colors slightly or adjust the dialog. Move on to the next one and keep improving.  Your stuff has a certain charm and because of that, I'm willing forgive all the stuff I mentioned. It's that likeable.

    An exercise you can do to help ground your boy: Draw him 25 times doing different things - or even interacting with the girl. This will help cement what he looks like in your head - and each drawing will improve on the last. You can do these quickly - they don't have to be perfect, but at least move him around so that you can get the different angles on him figured out. Sitting, laughing, climbing, jumping, pushing, bashful, angry, shooting, throwing, rowing, digging...these are just some ideas to get you started.


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