My Former Best Friend

I became a Christian in 1990 and 2 weeks after I met James at a comic store. He was Catholic and I protestant and we both loved comics and drawing and dreaming of doing our own comics one day. We drifted in and out of each others lives and He became an Atheist. I admit I slammed him with Bible stuff a lot and over the years we had a lot of heated arguments. We remained best friends and He was my Best Man and I was his. He saw me Backslide for a long period of time and I think he lost respect for me then. He wrote me off twice over the years telling me we would never be friends again only to eventually show up at my house and we just picked up where we left off.

The differences kept growing and he moved to Fla for 2 years and moved back and we moved farther apart in Ga. and as friends. I slowly learned Apologetics and I was bad at at it and pushed him farther away. In 2008 he found out his wife had an affair and I saw him do very immoral things out of anger towards her, he lied and manipulated to get custody of their daughter and then divorced her. There were some other things involving his now Wife and we had many arguments about right and wrong.

He established some artist friends in Atlanta that I didn't fit with, drinking, smoking, cussing Atheist types who didn't like me. James never drank or smoked. Early 2008 he wrote me an E-Mail telling me he was done with me again and he wrote some horrible things in it. I read and responded to that e-mail for 2 years but never sent them. Eventually I deleted it and moved on. I think about James every week and regret how I didn't witness to him properly and wish I could have done things differently.

James and I post on a Comics Forum the same one we first posted on since 2000. We have changed user names but everyone there knows me and I have debated Theology there until they practically outlawed it. Recently I was posting on there and noticed he was too, but I didn't post in his threads or he mine. I gave him his space because he made it clear he hates me and he said so many things I can't forget I figured he is done with me.

I posted some comics on that site that my Kids have done and yesterday he commented on one. So here is my dilemma I posted a respectful response but not anything really personal he said he liked my kids artwork and acknowledged that he missed them. I want to PM him and make and apologize or make amends.  I don't know if I really want to be friends with him again but I do want to resolve this and maybe he won't be so hateful towards Christians "he said some Blasphemous things about God in the E-Mail blaming Me for his attitude toward Christians". It's been 4 years this guy was like a brother to me but he hurt me but I want to be forgiving and kind to him. My Wife doesn't trust him. 

Should I Message him? Should I just pray for him and move on?

Please Pray that God will give me Wisdom and the Words to speak or write if I contact him.

Also suggestions and counsel are appreciated.


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  • I just read the replies previous to my own. Come on guys, really? (Sorry, don't mean to argue/deviate from the topic here) Okay, I'm 16. How come so many adults can't ever seem to be mature? Why can't they act like the mighty women and men of God they're meant to be? You guys are my mentors here, and you're setting an example for me as well as the other younger  Christians. Please do us all a favor and act like Jesus Christ who didn't come in hate or anger or condemnation but in love or mercy. I'm seriously crying right now. I can't stand how we can just bicker like bratty little children and be so self-centered that we deny the lordship of Jesus Christ for our own conceit and pride in theology. I mean, how can you guys not get this? You're trading the love and grace of Christ for a lie, becoming no better than the pharisees of old. It just breaks my heart to see this garbage and upsets me really deeply. Please spread the love of Christ, and not all of this hate mail under Christ's name. The fulfillment of all the commandments is love, the greatest commandment is love. Pride is birthed out of insecurity which is birthed out not having total abandon and security in God. Know how God loves you unconditionally, and give everything over to him, and you will know more peace and joy than you've ever known. Trust me, I would know. I grew up in an amazing urban missionary Christian family, but I was miserable and hated life because I was still holding back from God, wouldn't accept his love for me, wouldn't take full responsibility for my actions and get my life together, and wouldn't let go of the offenses I had built up over the years from others. If you want to get serious about your faith, get serious about your relationship with God, and live a life of total abandon, please, please, please, I beg you, receive his love, and don't hold back. The spiteful bickering of Christians is too much for me, if we're ever going to come together in unity, it's got to start with you. Complete, total, and selfless abandon for God, his kingdom, and those he loves (which is everybody, by the way). Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. No man comes to the father, except through him. Go his way, which is love. Know the truth, which is Jesus, and live the life, of total abandon and servant hood. This is God's call for us as believers, not these petty arguments over NOTHING. Please have open ears, minds, and hearts to what I'm saying. Feel free to call me a fool or critique what I've had to say, I'm open for criticism. And besides, I'm only 16. ;)

    p.S.-Sorry is this was so long or unnecessary, or even condemning. It wasn't my intentions, but sometimes I unintentionally come off that way...I still have a lot of growing to go and weaknesses to work on, but please, seriously, point out anything bad/incorrect I said here, because I know I can screw up. Thanks you guys so much! :)

  • Well, I can say I know what it is to have very close friends that completely turned from God. Especially when I graduated from Teen Challenge, it was rough having to break off relationships with girls who I had literally lived with 24/7 for nearly two years. I know the grief, the pain, the heartache, the confusion. But I do have to say, I'm only 16, so there's only so much I can offer. To save yourself grief, the best thing I know to do from my experience is keep your distance. The people closest to you are the one's who can hurt you the most. Another point on this though is prayer, God, and offense/bitterness. Having been betrayed, picked on, excluded, teased, and etc. I've had  my own struggles with bitterness, and I know I can't possibly understand you pain, but from the tone of what you described here so far, I sense there's still healing that needs to go on. The best advice I can give you is to pray, and really challenge yourself in your bible reading. First and foremost, seek God in the ways you know best fit you, and He will guide you through this if anything else. If you do try to restore this relationship, you will probably go through a lot of pain, but then again, maybe it will be  worth it. If anything, I let you know that you're not alone, and that God IS working all of this for good. I believe your perspective can be the catalyst in this situation. Then again, I'm 16, so maybe I really don't know to much what I'm talking about. Well, I figured I might as well respond anyway, because I can relate. I wish you luck, and pray that God guides you through this in the ways He knows best. Good luck, and God Bless. :)

  • Update.

     About 3 months ago James got in contact with me. I was careful about how I proceeded but we began talking again. He apologized for his behaviour and I apologized for some things as well. We are talking now after 5 years and it's different. I have been witnessing to him more in an ambassador like fashion, asking questions and being less pushy more understanding and using apologetics rather than forcing my views. If he comes to Christ it will be because he genuinely is drawn by the Holy Spirit and sees his state as a lost Sinner in need of mercy. Pray for him and me that it will happen.

  • You love this human? Surrender your care for him onto our
    heavenly Father...believe that His will & grace is sufficient.
    Your self-effort ends there...wait & watch.
    Although, you miss & love your old friend...God loves him more!
    Carry on soldier!
  • You love this human? Surrender your care for him onto our
    heavenly Father...believe that His will & grace is sufficient.
    Your self-effort ends there...wait & watch.
    Although, you miss & love your old friend...God loves him more!
    Carry on soldier!
  • You're reading these two right? You're seeing this. And I'm the one that's... eh

    Wasn't gonna write anything else but seeing as i'd get a leave something constructive, or don't say anything..

    1 Peter 4:8

    Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

  • I agree with Buzz. 

  • No, being disrespectful of someones wishes to take this discussion elsewhere makes you immature and disrespectful. This thread isn't a discussion about OT commands but a request for prayer about a particular situation with my former friend than I wanted advice on. You said your peace and I took it to heart and now you need to take this other discussion you are having with Sven elsewhere and delete your posts that are reproving him wrong or whatever.

    I don't know if you realize this but this situation with my friend is really sensitive to me, this person was like a brother to me and as I want to handle it carefully and wisely. If you have any other ideas about proving Sven or me wrong about Bible doctrine START YOUR OWN THREAD about it PLEASE!

    I am asking you as nicely as I can for the second time. Alika just let it go you can't steamroll someone into accepting your ideas, it doesn't work. If you continue to post this stuff in here I guess I'll just ignore this thread and others where you post. If you want people to accept your ideas you have to be kind, gracious, and humble. Even if you are right this isn't the way to get your point across.

    I love you in Christ Brother, please take my advice in the spirit which it is given. If you want to discuss some of these topics I might like to discuss them with you in another thread. Start one with a good topic and give and take and see where it goes. Be an Ambassador of Christ and let your words be as honey and use wisdom about how to get your point across.


  • Correctly replying to false doctrine that holds people liable to OT commands makes me immature... hmm, interesting.

  • Sven as the more mature of the two I would ask that you not respond to Alika here. I've decided if he offers unsolicited advice I will just ignore it if it doesn't pertain to the topic of the thread. I don't want to be ungracious to him but this is unnecessary.

This reply was deleted.